In Loving Memory of

My sweet Buck. He was there for everything I did. He will always be everything to me.

Buck was the one thing I looked forward to seeing after long day at work. He was my rock and “shadow”. Happy and friendly. A big goofball. Gentle giant. Everyone always said he was so ‘full of personality’ and just a great dog. People would stop when we were outside and roll down their window just to tell me how ‘beautiful’ he was. They were right. But little did they know, he had the most beautiful soul a dog could ever have, too.

Bucks love of playing ball, swimming, barking, riding in the car, food, and getting really concerned when someone coughed, always made me laugh. During Clemson football games, when we would start screaming in excitement, he would get excited and start barking. I’ll never be able to say “where’s your ball?” “do you wanna go on a walk?” or “you wanna go with me?” without tearing up.

One of the last, but simple, memories I have is having a dance party in the kitchen. It was the weekend before what should have been a normal scheduled surgery to remove some skin tags from around his eyes and fatty lumps on his tummy. Now, it’s what I refer to as, weekend before they found the ‘C’. The weather was warm, and I was dancing and the music was loud and he got so excited and was running and jumping, dancing with me. I ran back and forth around the living room as he bounced with me, all excited. I didn’t realize it then, but that would be one of the last bittersweet memories.

When we got the news, I told him I’d fight and not give up. Buck knew I was a fighter. They couldn’t remove the tumors since it had spread, but we did radiation treatments and just 1 dose of chemo. 3 weeks later, he waited until I was not around to leave, by going on his own terms...sparing me of having to make a difficult decision.

I remember that early morning when we drove him there since he was dripping dark stuff out of his mouth and breathing heavily, the ER vets got him out of the car. He did not want to get out. I tried to think positive and told myself it would not be the last time I’d see him, I gave him a kiss and said “love you, it will be okay baby.” 30 mins later his tumors disappeared.

My heart breaks so much here on Earth. I never realized how looking back on things would become bittersweet memories that hurt right now. I don’t know how I’ll be able sleep, walk into any room, drive my car, or go deer hunting and not see that big block head hanging out the window of the truck looking for me, and running trying to find me and barking crazily when he realized he couldn’t get up into the deer stand. What I wouldn’t give to have one more game of throwing the ball and one more car ride. Life really does not make sense some times. I take comfort in the fact I know he knew how much he was loved.

I told Buck the last night before trying to go to bed “I love you, I’m fighting for you, you’re my best friend, you always will be” and gave him a kiss with tears in my eyes since I could tell he did not feel well and was not eating.

Buck, you’ll always be my #1 man, the best friend a girl could ever have, and I miss you every minute, every second, of every day. It was the joy of my life to be your mom. The void I have now is indescribable. I miss you so much it physically hurts.

What a time we had! Through good and bad. Thank you for forgiving me without question on my bad days. Thank you for being so much fun. So full of life. For always being on my side. Through breakups, jobs, deaths, all of life’s changes you never wavered. I owe you so, so much. Your unfaltering loyalty is something us humans do not deserve but need. I miss your thick, warm coat, which always made the best pillow to catch my tears. Thank you for always knowing how to make me laugh and smile. It was the honor of my life to be your mom. How blessed was I to be the mom to the best dog ever? Nothing could ever replace that.

I love you so much. I can honestly say, you made me feel loved too. Remember what I said to you each time when I left? I’ll say it to you again now, “I’ll be back.” ❤️

“It pains you because it’s true...He loved you unconditionally, more than you can ever imagine.”